15 Unforgivable Sins

1. Loving Seinfeld

2. Watching, loving, and then owning on DVD any Michael Bay film (except The Rock. The Connery Exception makes that one OK)

3. Doing your buddy's sister

4. Doing your buddy's morbidly obese sister

5. Spilling the bong

6. While drunk, calling your buddy by your ex-girlfriend's name. Actually, even when sober that is fucked up.

7. Not replacing the toilet paper. Yeah. I'm talking to you. On behalf of the rest of us, fuck you.

8. Loudly singing along to the jukebox in a bar. This isn't a scene in a charming romantic comedy. The rest of us have to listen to you. Stop.

9. Eating the leftover pizza if you didn't chip in to purchase it. That's a dick move, man.

10. Farting whilst performing a 69

11. Not flushing

12. Spilling a beer if you have had less than three

13. Owning any film with Gwyneth Paltrow...other than Seven. That one is cool.

14. Owning any film with the Olsen Twins. No exceptions.

15. Not buying a Big Damn Shirt

Bonus Not returning the call of the horrible wildebeest you drunkenly went home with last week. Just kidding. Change your number. She'll never know.