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Monday, November 2, 2009

15 Responses To The Failed Query "Do You Do Anal?"

1. I wasn't finished. I was going to say "Do you do analysis for any major corporate entities?" I don't want a conflict of interest here.

2. Would you change your mind if I offered to pay you?

3. That's cool. How about a BJ?

4. So...should we just stop now? I really had my heart set on anal.

5. Um...that came out wrong. I meant to say "Do you like fudge?" 'Cause I'm hungry and I've got a sweet tooth.

6. No? That's fine. But you do know that all the cool people do it, right? All of them. Big buttlovers, the cool people. True story.

7. O.K. I was just hoping that once we got married...

8. Yeah, me neither. I was just joking. Unless you change your mind. In that case I was all the way serious.

9. Well, why the fuck not?

10. O.K. But you better hope you never go to prison. That happens there. A lot.

11. Anal? No! I asked "Do you do fables?" I wanted to tell stories. It's fun.

12. No? O.K. But you can kiss that raise goodbye.

13. Are you a lesbian or something?

14. O.K. I guess we are done here. Good day.

15. I just wanted to be intimate with you...and I find vaginas scary.

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