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Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Karaoke: The 5 Types Of Singers

Sometimes you just get a burning desire to grab a beer or five. Possibly even some booze. When this happens, you often need to go to a bar.

And sometimes that bar is doing Karaoke. And it is gonna fuck up your whole night.

You have two choices here: find another bar or stay.

Finding another bar requires leaving, then driving somewhere else. This takes time. You are already in a bar. You can see the shiny bottles of awesome from where you are standing. You mouth, stomach, and brain all want some of that. It looks like you are probably staying.

If you are going to stay, and you most likely are, then here is a brief primer of the kinds of people you are damn near guaranteed to see that night. Unfortunately, this is one of the few times that booze won't make it better. Buckle up and ride that shit out.

The Rockstar

This guy forgets that nobody actually paid money to see him "perform". While in reality, he is in a bar demolishing someone else's music...in his head, he is headlining at Madison Square Garden and melting your face with rock!

This guy tries way too hard. He is probably in a band. And when the song ends, he will usually take the opportunity to shout out his bands next two dates. And they are probably at an open mike night in another shitty bar...that you should avoid at all costs.

The "Cute" Girls

Sometimes these girls are actually cute. More likely, they are really cute in their own heads...but reality begs to differ.

There is a good chance they are going to do Madonna. There is an even better chance that it is gonna suck.

And they think they are sexy as hell while they are doing it. And they couldn't be more wrong.

The Really Big Fan

This guy is a really big fan of one particular artist...and that guy's work is all he sings. Poorly.

Points for dressing like Elvis. Negative points for thinking he's Elvis.

This guy will probably sing two or three songs in the course of the evening. And he will be getting progressively drunker with each song. And they will get progressively shittier. But for you...it will get progressively painfully funnier each and every time.

The Taking-It-Down-A-Notch Guy

After various people destroying rock songs, drunk girls annihilating pop tunes, and that one dude attempting to do Johnny Cash's entire oeuvre in one night...this guy decides to take it down a notch and sing something to, and for, the ladies.

And it's probably gonna fucking suck. Hard.

But he doesn't give a damn what you think. This shit is for the ladies.

The Karaoke Operator

This person usually sings quite well. And he will let you know...by singing about ten songs a night. He will start the evening with a tune, and end the evening with a tune...and sing a song in between every other person.

The guy owns the equipment, so I guess he is entitled. But maybe he could play American Idol at home where the rest of us don't have to watch.

If you are stuck in a Karaoke bar, there is a good chance you are gonna see at least three of these types of people. Should you drink enough, there is a possibility that you will become one of these types of people.

But sometimes...just sometimes....you get to see something like this:

And then it is all worth it.

Comments :

Melvin Dsouza said...

Hahaha. Nicely writ.

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