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Monday, October 5, 2009

15 Signs You Aren't A Tree

1. You have no innate ability to engage in photosynthesis.

2. Trees don't masturbate. Don't lie...we all know you do.

3. The Lorax wasn't talking about you.

4. You wear T-Shirts

5. While you may occasionally get wood, you are not primarily comprised of the substance.

6. Trees get termites, people get scabies. Which have you had?

7. Trees drop their seeds all over the ground. Then again...I guess some people do too.

8. Trees don't watch porn. You do.

9. Trees don't have the internet...yet you are reading this list.

10. That one time when you stayed out really late partying hard with your pals and then the next day you were super hungover for class? Yeah...trees don't do that.

11. Unlike you, trees don't like blowjobs.

12. Dog's don't pee on you. At least I hope they don't. If so...that's kinda fucked up.

13. Birds do not roost in you.

14. Nobody has ever chopped you down and made a cabin from your corpse.

15. Regardless of what fantastical lies you may tell the ladies, that stuff that comes out of you isn't syrup.



Pictured: not you

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