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Monday, August 3, 2009

Actual Awful Books

Whilst searching the internet deliberately avoiding doing any practical work (and even avoiding coming up with something to write for this website) I discovered an odd little website.

Awful Library Books

Awful Library Books explains its purpose on the about us page: This site is a collection of public library holdings that we find amusing and maybe questionable for public libraries trying to maintain a current and relevant collection.

As I scrolled down I found the following...

Holy shit.

And there is even a photo of the inside...

Yep. One suggestion is to help your mentally challenged (or "retarded" guy as per the book title) friend craft an Indian tom-tom. With a swastika on it. Because...why the hell not?

Now, I know that pretty much 98% percent of what is written on this website is total bullshit. But I am not making this one up. Sure, we made up some shit about Lesser Known Dr. Seuss Books and even lied about some famous cartoons.

But this is not one of our lies. That is a real website and that is a real book.

It got me wondering how many other awful books there might be circulating in libraries and bookstores. But I'm lazy. So I hit google.

I tried typing in "awful books" in the image search...

Click image to enlarge

Yeah. The first result on the first page was The Diary of Anne Frank. That's seemed kinda fucked. Who considers the harrowing tale of a young girl hiding from Nazis in the German occupied Netherlands to be "awful"?

When I clicked on the link it took me to a blog that was actually commenting on the aforementioned Awful Library Books website. So I guess it wasn't as fucked up as I originally thought. It is, however, like some messed up six degrees game. The Awful Library Books website appears to be at the center of the awful book universe. Like Kevin Bacon. But of awful books and not so much film actors.

Shut up. You know what I meant.

My next search, this time using the search terms "messed up books", garnered the following lovely book...

Not this is some shit I have to look into.

Luckily, Amazon.com had a listing.

The reviews...were amazing.

Click image to enlarge

Click image to enlarge

I'm fucking sold. I gotta get that book.

Further in my search for "messed up books" I unearthed the following piece of awesome...

John Matuszak wrote a book.

"Who is John Matuszak?" some of you may ask.

One might answer, "Matuszak was an American football player who played for the Oakland Raiders who under John Madden's guidance won two Super Bowls."

But that guy would be an idiot. The real answer is "John Matuszak played Sloth in the fucking Goonies! He was in Ice Pirates, too, (another sweet classic) but he was fucking Sloth, man!"

Sloth wrote a fucking book!

On my last search, I came across the following interesting tome for children...

OK. I may have completely made that one up.

So my search for "messed up books" yielded by Anyone Can Be Cool...But Awesome Takes Practice and Cruisin' With The Tooz. Both books that seem kinda fucking great to me. Not so much messed up.

Luckily, Amazon.com seems to have both available used for a penny each. I know what I am gonna be reading next week. And if that divorce one was real, I'd read that bad boy, too.

Comments :

Bitterly Books said...

Huh. Awesome takes practice. So THAT'S what I've been doing wrong all these years. Who knew?

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