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Tuesday, August 11, 2009

15 Things You Never Want To Hear From Your Doctor

1. Wow. Now that is a beautiful nuttsack. Do you trim? What setting do you use?

2. We tried to get it all...but Scrubs was on and we all kinda got caught up with watching that and...well...long story short, you're gonna die.

3. Good Lord! I haven't seen a case of the clap like that since 'nam!

4. You need to either lay off the fiber or lay off the buttsex...that thing is a gaping chasm of raw red evil.

5. Holy shit that thing is small! How do you use it? I'm sorry. That was unprofessional. But seriously...have you ever pleased a woman?

6. Well, your HMO doesn't cover the prescriptions we normally use for something like this so we are gonna have to kick it old school. How do you feel about leeches?

7. Put your clothes back on. I don't want to puke.

8. I'm not going to lie to you...I should have paid more attention in med school. I don't have any idea what the fuck is wrong with you. But I'm pretty sure it is bad. I mean...scary bad.

9. Now that is odd. I've been your doctor for your whole life...and it's as if your penis has literally never grown. It's still a little baby penis. That's so weird!

10. I had your mother in here last week. Do your parents have a lot of sex? 'Cause that vaj was worked!

11. In all my years of practicing medicine I have never seen this. How do you get a hemorrhoid on your mouth?

12. Wow. The ladies must love you. Now that is a cock. Let me get my camera. Nurse!

13. Fuck me! What happened to your face? Oh...you're just here for a hangnail? Nevermind that whole face thing. Just ignore it.

14. Man...your sister is hot. Anyone tappin' that ass?

15. John...there was a complication with the surgery. Do you like the name Joan?

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