There are many places the average man places his penis. A sock (sometimes for the amusement of others, often times just for warmth), a moistened palm, sometimes even a vagina.
But I think bigger. I am a man amongst men.
Herewith I will share with you 10 things into which I put my penis. I await your awe, admiration, and eventually your applause.
This Beer Pitcher
This one was a mistake in judgment. I got stuck and had to go to the emergency room to get it cut off (the pitcher, that is...not my dick).
I just wondered if I could hit the sides. Almost.
The Liberty Bell
See that crack? Yeah...my dick did that.
Fuck the British! Go America!
I love the great outdoors. Truly. I love it so much that I wanted to fuck it. So I did.
Of course, it was a sequoia.
Take that tree huggers!
The Statue of Liberty
Lady Liberty? Yeah...I nailed her.
Large Hadron Collider
Yeah. I broke that thing. Three times. Wooo!
That One Girl In Summer Camp
Hey girl. Remember me?
At the lake? You dug my denim jacket and I complimented your cute little jean mini skirt. Ringing a bell?
Yeah...now you are in this article. Call me.
The Left Center Hole Of A Billiard Table
I just whipped this arrogant douchebag's ass in pool and I really wanted to rub it in. And rub one out.
So I fucked the pool table.
I win at life.
I packed that bitch hard. She didn't shoot for a week.
Yeah. I said it.