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Thursday, August 20, 2009

10 Things Into Which I Put My Penis

There are many places the average man places his penis. A sock (sometimes for the amusement of others, often times just for warmth), a moistened palm, sometimes even a vagina.

But I think bigger. I am a man amongst men.

Herewith I will share with you 10 things into which I put my penis. I await your awe, admiration, and eventually your applause.

This Beer Pitcher





This one was a mistake in judgment. I got stuck and had to go to the emergency room to get it cut off (the pitcher, that is...not my dick).

So embarrassing.





Grand Canyon





I just wondered if I could hit the sides. Almost.





The Liberty Bell





See that crack? Yeah...my dick did that.

Fuck the British! Go America!





This Tree





I love the great outdoors. Truly. I love it so much that I wanted to fuck it. So I did.

Of course, it was a sequoia.

Take that tree huggers!





The Statue of Liberty





Lady Liberty? Yeah...I nailed her.





Large Hadron Collider





Yeah. I broke that thing. Three times. Wooo!





That One Girl In Summer Camp





Hey girl. Remember me?

At the lake? You dug my denim jacket and I complimented your cute little jean mini skirt. Ringing a bell?

Yeah...now you are in this article. Call me.





The Left Center Hole Of A Billiard Table





I just whipped this arrogant douchebag's ass in pool and I really wanted to rub it in. And rub one out.

So I fucked the pool table.

I win at life.





This Cannon





I packed that bitch hard. She didn't shoot for a week.





Your Mom





Yeah. I said it.

Comments :

4 comments to “10 Things Into Which I Put My Penis”
John said...
on 

From the looks of it, you must have been one of the guys who bought one of my famous penis enlargement systems. Great stuff and keep going so We can point you at a volcano next.

Big Damn Funny said...
on 

No penis enlargement here....just God-given girth.

And then again, most of what we write isn't true. So there is that.

Anonymous said...
on 

are you paul bunyan?

Anonymous said...
on 

have you tried sticking your penis into the mouth of a helium-filled balloon? if not, i recommend you do, it's unreal!

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