Updated sporadically! Guaranteed!

Friday, July 31, 2009

A College Entrance Letter

Many people find it difficult to pen a good college entrance essay. To help those poor souls in their endeavor to move up the educational ladder, BDF has put together this do-it-yourself college entrance letter.

Simply fill in the blanks, print it off, and send it away to your intended recipient.

Of you can download a PDF version if you are seriously intent on doing something this stupid.

Note: When you don't get accepted, BDF is not responsible. Don't blame us if you are dumb enough to use a fill-in-the-blanks college essay you found on the internet.


Dear Dean of ,

I would like to take the time to tell you why I would be a addition to your hallowed institution.

Throughout my four years of high school, I was captain of , president of , and of .

Additionally, I spent years intensely studying . I am now officially a .

I volunteered at as the cabana boy / girl. (circle one)

Through these experiences, I learned the values of , , and .

To sum up, I think that you are and I hope that I can gain acceptance to your school.


P.S. If it helps, I also bring to the table. Just letting you know.

Wednesday, July 29, 2009

Wednesday Laziness!

While we do have a few hundred articles here that date back a ways, we haven't completely converted our old archive to this newer website.

But you can still look at some of that old stuff.

Thanks to the internet archive wayback machine, anyone can peruse bygone websites. Especially old school BDF

Here are a couple of old nuggets to get you through your lazy Wednesday.

What's In My Pants?

Choose Your Own Adventure: OZ

See? The internet archive wayback is like cheap time travel. Who needs a Delorean?

Speaking of time travel, I heard that Mikey kid from the LIFE cereal commercials ate some pop-rocks and drank Coke while touching a Teddy Ruxpin doll in an adult fashion and he ended up traveling through time. Now he is stuck in a parallel dimension like that one episode of Star Trek with that evil Spock with the goatee.

True story.


Monday, July 27, 2009

15 Incredibly Bad Excuses For Calling In Sick

1. I put too much creatine in my breakfast protein shake this morning and now I'm too buff to fit through the front door.

2. I'm still in mourning about Michael Jackson. (Too soon?)

3. My dog ate my powerpoint presentation.

4. Quiet Riot is in town. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity!

5. I woke up late but then I felt a little off. I kinda felt like I needed to fart but then I got paranoid that I might shart myself. So I'm gonna spend the day on the bowl and just wait that bitch out.

6. Sorry, I'm running a little late. Wait...was today the mandatory drug test? Yeah...um...I have swine flu.

7. I stubbed my toe and it really, really, really hurts.

8. That hottie from the copy room who looks like Scarlett Johansson went out with me last night. She totally fucked me. Now I need to spend the day high fiving everyone I've ever met in my life.

9. I'm feeling fat today so I'm just going to go ahead and stay home and "think thin".

10. I'm sorry. I was just about ready to leave but as it turns out I can't find my penis. Or my blackberry.

11. It's senior skip day at the high school down the street and I'm looking to tap some barely legal ass!

12. They had to reschedule my transgender surgery and today was the only day available.

13. I watched Dawn of the Dead and 28 Days Later back-to-back last night and now I'm a little too scared to leave my house.

14. It looks like I just inherited three million dollars from a long lost relative in Nigeria. I gotta go to the bank and get a bank transfer to make sure things stay on track. I'm really looking forward to that money.

15. My chakras are misaligned.

Monday, July 20, 2009

We're Back!

Why are we back after a long hiatus?

Because people keep ripping us off.

Remember our Life Lists? Thanks to the internet archive, you can see the archived version from 2006.

We liked that one. So did someone else. A guy named "Neugin". You can see how he ripped us off here.

Remember the old beer article?

Neugin ripped that one off, too.

Again, thanks to the internet archive, you can see the our original archived version here.

Remember 15 Forgotten Country Songs? Neugin sure did. On that same page he also ripped off some old Little Known Facts as well as some 15 Signs You Aren't Famous.

He even tried submitting our articles to other websites. And tried to get paid for our work.

Cute, eh?

But that guy isn't the only one.

Speaking of those Little Known Facts, another liar chose to use those and pass them off as his own. A guy named "DOOMER" decided to claim "here are a couple of my own".

Which is odd for DOOMER to do...considering it wasn't the first time he poached an article, but previously he didn't claim credit.

Here you can see someone named "MOS95B" stealing our My Experiment With Invisibility article....and passing it off as his own. Actually, he stole a fair amount of articles and posted them as his own.

Unfortunately, we aren't the only ones. Even big brand names like Cracked have to deal with content theft. Of course, they had an interesting way of dealing with it.

We got tired of shit like this, so we brought the site back.

So we will probably get back into the swing of writing new stuff. But for now, here is the evidence that too often the shit that makes you laugh wasn't written by the guy who claims he wrote it.

If you find anymore comedy poachers, send 'em our way.

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