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Sunday, April 16, 2006

Man In The Street Interviews

Did you ever have a teacher who made you write the "if I could meet anyone from anytime in history, who would it be and why" essay?

Well, we here at BDF sent Stu, our "man on the street", to ask regular people who their answers might be to that hallowed query.

OK...actually, we don't really have a "man on the street". It isn't in our budget. But regardless, here is what Stu found.

Jim, a guy that Stu met at the bus stop said:

"Wilt Chamberlain. I figure if I tag one chick a day it would take about 30 years to do as many chicks as Wilt The Stilt did."

He further went on to wonder if there was ever a point that Wilt was just too chafed to go on screwing. Jim figured he could just spit on it and probably eke out a few more.

Bonnie, Stu's favorite waitress at the all-night diner, said:

"I'm gonna go with Doctor Scholl."

When pressed further, Bonnie wondered if the good Doctor was really interested in the podiatric interests of people everywhere or if he simply had a really virulent foot fetish.

T-Bone, a crackhead Stu met downtown, said:

"Richard Gere. I wanna ask that dude if he really put a gerbil in his ass. That shit's fucked up."

Stu agreed that it was fucked up, indeed. At this juncture, Mr. Bone questioned what kind of lubrication one might use for something like that. He also wanted to know "what Debra Winger is really like. She and Richard Gere were in that movie with the dude from Enemy Mine but he didn't have a fucked up face in this movie. I think it was the Navy thing or something."

Jack, one of Stu's drinking acquaintances, said:

"Hemingway. Definitely Hemingway. I'd like to arm wrestle him."

At this point, Stu and Jack arm wrestled. Stu claims he won. We don't believe him.

Stu, himself, chose two people, Descartes and Freud.

Stu wondered if he really existed simply because he thought so, or if he was just a figment of Victoria's imagination.

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