'Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house
Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse.
Except for my dog, a happy young pup
I yelled at him loudly, "shut the fuck up!"
The dog calmed down and I drank in some cheer
of course the word "cheer" is my code word for "beer"
After a few I glanced at the clock
It was getting quite late, I noted with shock
I retired to my chamber and awaited St. Nick
Tho' soon I got bored and began stroking my dick
But before I could come, I heard a loud sound
'Twas Santa himself, all portly and round
"Hey there fatty!" I called out to the man
"I love your work. I'm a very big fan!"
His eyes narrowed small, like his buttons of brass
I think then he knew, I was kissing his ass
"Well, what did you bring?" I inquired with charm
But Santa's eyes widened with growing alarm
I followed his gaze and suddenly felt wrong
I realized he had caught me still holding my dong
After covering myself I attempted to shrug
But Santa embraced me; a fat man bear hug
I suddenly realized that he wanted a feel
"Santa", I said, "Shit is getting too real!"
Dropping his arms and staring at the ground
He averted his gaze, which settled on my hound
"Oh no!" I cried out, "You're not fucking that dog"
But he paced towards the puppy, his eyes all agog
I jumped in the way and shoved him aside
"There's no way you're giving my greyhound a ride"
But Santa fought back with the strength of ten men
We ended up collapsing on a couch in the den
With his arms still around me, I suddenly felt warm
And that's when I noticed that he had a nice form
So that's how we met; the story of us
We rendezvous each year on the eve of Christmas