Little Known Quotes: Presidential Edition

Yet another Big Damn Installment of some little known quotes throughout history.

Incidentally, everything that follows is complete bullshit.

"Man, this play is a piece of shit. I would rather be shot in the face than sit through the rest of this thing." - Abraham Lincoln (April 14, 1865)

"I've gotten so much pity sex from this wheelchair it's ridiculous. No joke." - Franklin Delano Roosevelt (March 1931)

"Dude...they're not gonna actually secede. Relax. How bad could it be?" - James Buchanan (December, 1860)

"I don't remember who the hell I was either." - James K. Polk (June 13, 1849)

"This bear was fucking huge, I tell you. Huge. It had like...laser beams coming from its eyes. Big blood drenched claws. The whole nine. But killing it seemed kinda unsportsmanlike. And pussy. So I didn't. Because I'm cool and noble like that. True story." - Theodore Roosevelt (November 1902)

"I've got a fucking weight problem! Don't judge me. You know what? Eat a dick." - William Howard Taft (February 1922)

"Anarchist? Oh, thank God. I thought you said I was shot by an atheist. Now that would have pissed me off." - William McKinley (September 12, 1901)

"I'm sorry Charlie, you just aren't Presidential cabinet material. I'm sure something will turn up for you. Don't be a Gloomy Gus." - James Garfield to Charles J. Guiteau (June, 1881)

"I'm running against a guy named George Clinton? The funk guy?" - George Washington (November 1791)

"Oh man. I just had the weirdest dream. The Cuyahoga River in that town named after my cousin Moses caught fire and shit. It was nasty. Ah well...fuck that town anyway. " - Grover Cleveland (March, 1895)

"Hey Dolley, hon? I'm hungry. Can you make some more of those little pastry things? The...zingers?" - James Madison (July, 1804)