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Tuesday, December 16, 2008

Golf: A Review

At first glance, golf is a truly a terrifying sport; hitting a ball the size of a walnut with a stainless steel implement as far as it will go.

Kind of makes you want to put a brick wall in between the world and your junk, doesn't it?

But once explained that the ball is only plastic and rubber, you realize that golfers are like modern day warriors. One man and his club against....the WOLRD!

Sure, they wear clothes that look like my grandfather's pajamas, but clothes don't make the man. What makes the man is how hard he swings his shaft.

Golf, though the last bastion of the suburban warrior, is a costly sport. In today's economy more and more would-be warriors are forced to shelve their war-making instruments (see also: golf clubs) and find less expensive pastimes.

Yes, we are living in turbulent times. War and poverty are a blemish on the world. Some say that what the world needs is love sweet love. To that I say "Fuck you!" Indeed, "Fuck You", says I.

What the world needs is...Combos.

Combos--that great combination of pretzel and cheese-like filling from the good people at Mars in Hackettstown, NJ (who the hell knew anything good came from Jersey?). Actually, some aren't even pretzel. Some have that delightful cracker shell. Not only does the combo show both diversity and unity, but it is fucking tasty.

But enough about combos.

Golf is kind of a douche sport, but a douche sport filled with warrior douches.

And those are the scariest kind.

Golf - Rating: B
Combos - Rating: A+

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