My Mistress
Many a night I've spent with you
You are always there for me
When we watch the sun come up
I feel alive and free
Damn, I love you vodka
You're my one true love
Like Batman needs his Robin
We fit like hand to glove.
Ode to my Johnson
Each and every morning
I wake and look at you
If you're had no action
Your brothers are quite blue
You're always up and ready
for whatever the day may hold
Alert, virile, and strong
Your attitude is bold
I'm so proud of you
I'd show you to the world
Tho, when last I showed you off
The witness bent and hurled
Twas probably just envy
of this I am quite sure
Or could it be that I don't shave
and you're blanketed with fur?
Wha....?
"What the fuck was that?"
I mumbled while at food mart
I felt a mild eruption
turned out, twas just a fart.
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