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Wednesday, December 3, 2008

Big Damn Manifesto

The recent elections have got all of us here at BDF thinking more and more about politics. After forming a political party, The Big Damn Party, we decided it was probably time to craft a manifesto to unleash on the world which would outline what we want for America.

We have all seen the country go back and forth between the two major parties, Republicans and Democrats. We at The Big Damn Party are tired of watching voters switch between the two parties only to have no real change ensue.

At The Big Damn Party, we promise change. Good change? Maybe. Maybe not.

When we take charge, there will be no pet cats. All felines will be relocated to Wyoming. As will all spinsters. People currently living in Wyoming with have the option of either staying or being relocated to Nebraska. Those in Nebraska that are worried about the influx of people from Wyoming should know that we don't care.

We will all wear uniforms. Clothing will be modeled after The Prisoner television show with the exception of us all wearing numbers. We will instead all wear those generic "Hello My Name Is..." stickers.

From now on, there will be no political press conferences. All politicians will stand on a 2x2 wooden crate and blow the conch shell and the masses will gather. The people will then be seated in a large ring around the politician and proclaim "Tell the tell. Tell the tell of us all!". Kinda like Mad Max Beyond Thunderdome.

Late night infomercials will be removed and the producers will be jailed.

We will eliminate the electoral college and institute popular vote. One man, one vote. To be consistent, people suffering with Dissociative Identity Disorder will have as many votes as is necessary.

Each year we will have a new Doogie Howser Christmas Special. Neil Patrick Harris doesn't get a choice.

The color orange is banned, as are onions. These both start with the letter "O" and hence are evil. Consequently, Oprah will be deported. Onomatopoeia will also be outlawed.

We hope we can count on your votes in the future. For a better world, The Big Damn Party!

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