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Thursday, December 18, 2008

15 Signs Of The Coming Apocalypse

1. Republicans and Democrats engage in a wild orgy during a Senate session. C-Span ratings go through the roof.

2. A 500 foot tall Stay-Puft marshmellow man strolls down Central Park West.

3. The MLB players union announces that the players believe they have been paid too much money. Charity (and hilarity) ensues.

4. Four dudes on horses literally show up on your doorstep.

5. All beer now tastes like Labatt Blue Light.

6. The big three auto companies give the U.S. government a loan.

7. Howard Stern is elected Secretary General of the U.N.

8. The Ku Klux Klan formally admits that they "may have been a little intolerant to others".

9. Curling overtakes Baseball as the National Pastime.

10. 93% of the NBA are white boys from Nebraska.

11. Sex stops being fun.

12. The National Anthem is changed to "In da Club".

13. George Lucas calls a press conference and admits that the shitty Star Wars prequels were made to fund his growing addition to collecting Hello Kitty paraphernalia.

14. Bob Dylan is coherent.

15. Carson Daly and his 8 million strong "Army of Douche" takes over the U.S. Government.

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