Updated sporadically! Guaranteed!

Sunday, December 7, 2008

15 Even More Egregiously Bad Opening Sentences, Again

Another addendum to our earlier 15 Egregiously Bad Opening Sentences.

1. This was probably a bad idea, but I promised that tall three legged hooker I would avenge her lemur's death...and I will, dammit.

2. After we made love for the fourth time, and I was starting to sober up, it suddenly hit me...that "woman" was actually a tuna sandwich.

3. When the going gets tough, the tough play bongos.

4. As I watched her walk across the room, I immediately thought of seventeen things I wanted to do to her and only sixteen of them were sexual.

5. It was shaping up to be just another shitty ass day in fucktown.

6. I leaned in slowly and whispered, "I want to take my skin boat to fuck cove".

7. It was the third time I caught the rodeo clown staring at me when I realized that shit was about to go down.

8. Sometimes a man just has to eat clam chowder.

9. The sun tore through the thin curtains in the hotel and seared the back of my eyeballs as I reached down and fondled my junk.

10. "Get out of that, ya bastard!" I yelled at the optometrist as I threw the tarp over his limp form.

11. The mystical alien worm looked up and me and told me to fuck myself and I knocked it over with the tip of my boot.

12. As I left the market, I reached in the bag and realized that while I knew I asked for thirty doubloons, the salesman apparently mistook my request for desiring thirty pantaloons and I suddenly asked myself "What the fuck was I going to do with all these trousers?"

13. The moonlight cascaded down upon the intertwined corpses of the Siamese twin shepherds from Glasgow.

14. I had no idea what time it was because it suddenly hit me that I left my wristwatch in the anus of the fat poker dealer downtown.

15. You ever have one of those mornings when you realize you are all out of toilet paper?

Comments :

0 comments to “15 Even More Egregiously Bad Opening Sentences, Again”

Post a Comment

Related Posts with Thumbnails