Updated sporadically! Guaranteed!

Thursday, December 7, 2006

The Blog Of George Washington Carver

The historians at BDF have uncovered a celebrity blog.

While some showed disbelief about some of our Big Damn History articles, we believe this new blog will vindicate our crack research team.

The following are some excerpts from George Washington Carver's blog.

2/7/1932 11:32 a.m.

I have just patented a peanut-based cosmetic. This thing is going to take the world by storm!

2/9/1932 3:32 p.m.

OK...it turns out that peanut allergies are pretty common. It can be a pretty bad thing to put my cosmetic on the skin of someone who suffers from this allergy.

Obviously, I'm going to have to stop production on my peanut-based bandages, peanut-based clothing line (and the children's clothing: Lil' Nutty's), and my peanut-based bubble bath.

Dang! Back to the drawing board.

2/21/1932 2:12 a.m.

I am now slaving away on a peanut-based alternative to nitroglycerin. Not only will the explosions be twice as powerful (according to my calculations, at least) but the resulting devestation will have a very nice nutty aroma.

I am thinking about using this new NitroPeanut blend to create a better grenade. I think peanut shells will make for an extremely potent form of shrapnel.

Trust me, with all the work I've been doing with nuts I can tell you...those shells will cut the hell out of you if you aren't careful.

3/5/1932 4:15 p.m.

Last week I sent out some feelers to various industries about my new NitroPeanut product. I have received three "no thank you" letters, one "you're insane", and two more "what the hell is your deal with peanuts?".

Fuck those assholes. These peanuts are a goldmine!

3/9/1932 1:02 a.m.

Two words.

Peanut Oil.

I have thus far created:
Carvoline Antiseptic Hair Dressing from peanut oil and lanolin
Carvoline Rubbing Oil, a peanut oil for massages

I believe that my Rubbing Oil will be a viable cure for polio.

We'll see!

3/15/1932 12:02 a.m.

Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!

Joseph Rosefield figured out how to hydrogenate the peanut oil to make peanut butter creamy.

All this time slaving away at a better butter...wasted.


4/5/1932 4:05 a.m.

Between fucking Rosefield scooping me on that peanut butter thing and all the crap I keep taking from everyone, I'm getting a little fed up.

Did you know that every time I leave my house, the neighorhood kids called my "Mr. Peanut"?

Well...all those assholes can wait and see. My next creation will make them all eat their words.

4/5/1932 4:05 a.m.

My peanut-fueled robot army is almost ready to be unleashed. It took me six months to overcome the "shelling" problem I was having with their peanut-based armor...but in the end it was worth it.

Stay tuned!

Comments :

0 comments to “The Blog Of George Washington Carver”

Post a Comment

Related Posts with Thumbnails