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Thursday, November 2, 2006

More Crazy Fuckers Throughout History

As outlined in an earlier article, there have always been strange people in the world. Sometimes these strange people decide to form groups.

The following are a few more of the often overlooked organizations.

People For Harmonious Chess

Believing that chess inherently inflames race relations between whites and blacks by having black pieces and white pieces at war with each other for supreme dominance, this organization was dedicated to having the standard colors of chess changed.

While this whole idea may seem silly to most, what really torpedoed the organization was their proposal to adopt the colors brown and yellow because as their promotional literature stated: "...who gives a fuck about Arabs and Asians?"

Obviously, people of Arab and/or Asian descent weren't amused.

The Holy Shit Society

These strange fellows postulated the theory that the Earth and all surrounding planets are in actuality the remains of God's Supreme Defecation (quite literally "Holy Shit"). Furthermore, they believed that the inhabitants of the planet (humans, animals, etc.) were simply highly evolved fecal microbes.

Obviously, this basically means that the universe is a giant toilet...and frankly most people aren't completely comfortable with that idea. Membership never really took off.

Also, it should be patently clear to the casual observer that these people were fucking morons.

The Society For People Who Want To Be Taller

These people....well....wanted to be taller.

The Return To Our Roots Organization

These people believed that modernization has alienated people and caused society to become hostile and fractious. While they weren't the only group of people to believe this, their solution was decidedly odd.

Desiring to return to a quieter and less modern time, they promoted the abandonment of life as we know it and beginning anew in a more simplified fashion.

Unfortunately, not being scholars (and seeming to have not even the most basic of intelligence), all this groups knowledge was derived from episodes of The Flintstones.

All eight members of the group were eventually imprisoned on animal cruelty charges when they killed 19 birds attempting to play a record with their beaks.

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