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Thursday, November 23, 2006

Amazingly True Facts: Animals

The animal kingdom is quite interesting. While the animal kingdom is filled with fascinating facts, it is, unfortunately, rife with myth and general bullshit.

BDF has decided to clear out some of the myths of the animal kingdom and let you know some of the amazingly true facts about animals.

Believe it or not, Canadian Geese aren't really Canadian. They migrated from Iceland and have yet to formally apply for Canadian citizenship. Damn immigrants!

It is wholly untrue that Siberian Huskies are shape shifters. It is, however, completely factual that they wait until you fall asleep before indulging in their secret passion: musical theater. They are particularly partial to HMS Pinafore.

The Wedge-tailed Eagle has such keen sight, it can actually see into the future. Hunters were often very partial to using Wedge-tailed Eagles and would use them to see if they would be successful in the hunt before they even began. If the eagle replied in the negative, the hunter would simply forego the hunt entirely and play a rousing game of Mah-jong instead.

Hedgehogs are quite skilled in haberdashery. It's true!

The Titmouse is neither a tit, nor is it a mouse. It is actually a large phallic-looking creature which dwells in Lake Erie. Sightings date back to 1832 when Josiah Barlow claimed to have seen it whilst picnicking on the shores of the Lake. His story claims that it approached the edge of the water and gestured for Barlow to come closer. As he did so, the beast stiffened and doubled in size. Barlow claims to have ridden it numerous times across the Lake. Then again, Barlow also claimed that he tamed a Sasquatch and defeated Satan in a game of Backgammon.

More realistic tales of the Titmouse have come forth from the late 1940's onward. To this day, visitors flock to Lake Erie in the hopes of seeing the elusive Titmouse.

When Owls call forth with their distinctive "Who" they are seriously asking a question. If you reply with your name, they are more than happy to share their vast knowledge of knock knock jokes and bawdy limericks.

The Manatee isn't the docile creature that media and film tend to make it out to be. Many a swimmer has been targeted and trapped by roving bands of Manatees and subsequently viciously sodomized.

It is an unfortunate truth that the domestic house-cat will steal the souls of babies and the elderly if left alone with them. What is less well known is their ability to cobble. Should you have any need of these furry shoemakers, simply leave your shoes by the litter box in the evening and by morning they will be as good as new.

Stunningly unbelievable!

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