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Saturday, September 9, 2006

Little Known Facts: Cinco!

An addendum to the earlier lists of Little Known Facts.

It's a little known fact that walking in the rain will actually make you shorter over the years, each rain drop decreases your height by 0.00000000001 of an inch.

It's a little known fact that the first mud hut was made to house the local village's Dungeons and Dragons tournament.

It's a little known fact that 4 out of 5 dentists prefer Dentist Number 5. Draw your own conclusions, o naked reader.

It's a little known fact that the first Indian killed by the pilgrims was shot for cheating at monopoly. his last words were "yeah your mom whores herself on Baltic avenue."

It's a little known fact that albino polar bears are often called crackers by polar bears of the normal variety.

It's a little known fact that clubbing with hot babes is a lot like clubbing seals, and just as hard to get some action.

It's a little known fact that wrist watches were made because it was awkward to keep checking ones cock ring watch.

It's a little known fact that the roughest street gang in LA goes by the name of "The Harding Boys", they got their name from president Warren G. Harding.

It's a little known fact that potatoes used to be called earth nuts, but the men of the age had a problem admitting that they liked buttering their nuts or a little salt on their nuts before they eat them.

It's a little known fact that New York got the nickname "the big apple" because in a mayoral debate in 1802, when one candidate dared another to stick a shiny red apple up his anus to prove his love for New York. Upon insertion of the apple, the man yelled out "That's one big apple!" That man did not win the election...he died 2 days later from massive anal bleeding.

It's a little known fact that rejected crayon colors include Albino White, Chinaman Yellow, Navajo Red, Rotted Corpse Purple, Cancer Lung Black, and Major Labia Pink.

It's a little known fact that surprisingly very little heavy petting goes on at petting zoos.

It's a little known fact that summer only comes out because winter is annoying and wont stop bitching about how trees like to play dead when he is around.

It's a little known fact that Flora and Fauna were identical twins...but Fauna blossomed first and eventually harvested large C breasts. Flora, however, only had Bs. In retaliation, Flora created Hurricane Katrina. As she did so, those around her heard "that will show that big tittied bitch!". The aforementioned big tittied bitch was, in fact, suitably chastised.

It's a little known fact that that every time George Clooney nails a hot chick....you are still you. And you remain less attractive than George Clooney.

It's a little known fact that Mrs. Jenkins was fired during the annual spelling bee after being asked to use happiness in a sentence, to which she replied, "My husband once invented a hat penis for wintry nights."

It's a little known fact that the Village People actually all came from the same village. And that village was Gaysville.

It's a little known fact that that every time an actor from Gilligan's Island dies, somewhere in the world an old Mortal Kombat game yells out, "Fatality."

It's a little known fact that every morning Ashley calls up Mary Kate and whispers into the phone, "You are so fucking fat."

It's a little known fact that bushes are the retarded cousins to trees, and the trees don't like to talk about them when other fauna start asking questions about those bushes that follows them around town.

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