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Monday, September 25, 2006

15 Signs You May Have Gained Weight

1. You break a sweat getting out of bed.

2. When you leave the house, people often yell "Hey Fatass!" in your direction.

3. When you put on a suit, people around you do the Chris Farley "Fat Guy In A Little Coat" routine.

4. You haven't seen your dick in months.

5. When you hit on a woman, she laughs and then turns to her friends to loudly proclaim "This fat guy just tried to hit on me!"

6. Your parents have begun greeting you with "Shit son, think you've had enough to eat?"

7. When you enter an all-you-can-eat establishment, the entire staff screams "Oh fuck!"

8. You've had to purchase a set of "fat clothes"...but you hang on to your old clothing in the futile hope that one day you will fit into them again.

9. You burn through three sticks of deodorant a month.

10. When cannibals see you they yell "Jackpot!"

11. You often enter restaurants, look at the menu, and simply state "I'll take it".

12. When you take some articles of clothing into the dressing room, you hear the store staff mumble "right, like that shit is gonna fit his ass".

13. When you meet up with your buddies, they exclaim "Holy shit! Some fat guy ate (your name here)".

14. Your spare tire has evolved into a full set of snow tires.

15. You claim to be "big boned" but the only bones of that magnitude date from the late Cretaceous period of the Mesozoic Era.

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