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Monday, July 24, 2006

15 More Signs That You Aren't Famous

An addendum to our earlier 15 Signs That You Aren't Famous.

1. You have stalkers....called collection agents.

2. Thus far, no one will admit to having had sex with you.

3. The closest thing you have to paparazzi are those two Cheaters vans that your girlfriend got to follow you around. The confrontation is the first and only time you will be on television.

4. The only picture of you anyone has ever put up on a wall is the one your father put in the basement (your bedroom). Across your face he has written "FAILURE".

5. Your attempt to market a sex tape starring yourself garnered one bid on eBay...for $1. The bidder later emailed you and admitted that it was an error.

6. Your mother sometimes forgets your name. Your father keeps calling you "that failure".

7. You offered to sign a kids cast once...and he ran away screaming.

8. Everyone you know has forgotten your birthday for the past seventeen years.

9. People, as a rule, don't really give a shit about you.

10. When you phone your siblings they often interrupt you to ask "Who are you, again?"

11. Anyone you have ever impregnated lies and claims the baby is someone else's.

12. Jay Leno still won't return your calls...and nobody actually wants to go on Leno.

13. When you make surprise appearances at parties everyone whispers "who the fuck invited that guy?"

14. When you broke your leg, the only signatures on it were the five names you made up and signed left handed to change the writing style.

15. All evidence seems to indicate you aren't famous.

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