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Sunday, July 16, 2006

15 More Egregiously Bad Opening Sentences, Again

Another addendum to our earlier 15 Egregiously Bad Opening Sentences.

1. Suddenly overcome with guilt, I realized that I probably shouldn't have killed those three hookers simply because Daddy didn't hug me enough.

2. The water felt very wet as the damp rain drenched my moisturized soggy face.

3. That better have been a wet dream or I seriously need to get my penis checked out by a medical professional...soon.

4. She was fat but I was horny...such is life.

5. More than a little embarrassed, I suddenly realized I had left my penis at my now ex-girlfriend's house...after calling her a "raging bitch" and storming off. I probably wasn't going to get it back.

6. I turned to my partner and whispered, "If he laughs...we might not go to jail."

7. As I felt the icy hand of death upon me, I came to the realization that my "notebook paper and packing foam" diet probably wasn't healthy. I was, however, amazingly thin.

8. After about three weeks of following his instructions to the letter, I realized that my guru was in actuality a peanut butter sandwich.

9. I only do shit that fucked up on Tuesdays between noon and two.

10. As I smelled the remains of the charred rodeo clown, I found myself more than a little aroused.

11. The silence was broken when Bob exclaimed, "That's not oatmeal, that's my mother!"

12. I swear...if that guy touches that fucking lemur one more time....

13. Realizing I wasn't actually a doctor, I released the man's still beating heart and quietly slipped out of the operating room.

14. I'm not trying to be creepy, but that wombat was kind of sexy.

15. And that's when the guy exploded.

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