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Thursday, June 15, 2006

Tastes Like Chicken!

For years, scientists and moms the world over have propagated the myth that everything tastes like chicken. We here at BDF have uncovered the conspiracy of the ages: chicken tastes like everything else.

It might not seem like a very big distinction...but it is. Think about it. We will give you a minute.

Got it yet?

OK. We'll wait.





If you don't understand it, allow us to illustrate the point.

Strawberry Fruit Roll-Ups taste like strawberry...but it wouldn't be accurate to eat a fresh strawberry and proclaim that it tastes like a Strawberry Fruit Roll-Up.

See?

Now, admittedly, some of you may be saying "But Strawberry Fruit Roll-Ups don't taste like strawberry." To that we simply say, blame General Mills.

Another way to look at it is this: when two siblings look alike, is it correct to say that the older child looks like the younger? Or is it more accurate to say that the younger looks like the older as it was the older who came first?

Unless, of course, the younger was actually born first...which could theoretically happen if the older child was conceived in a worm hole changing the flow of time. While Hawking postulates the existence of worm holes and their ability to bend space-time, it has yet to be definitively proven and therefore we digress.

Then there is the pleather argument. Pleather is like leather, but yet it isn't.

Or the duck comparison. It has oft been stated that if it walks like a duck and talks like a duck, it must be a duck. Not so. It could just be a really confused emu.

Additionally, if a tree falls in the forest and only Helen Keller is around to neither hear it nor see it...did it really happen? But again, we digress.

We believe that through our many intelligent and illustrative examples that we have proven our point.

Chicken tastes like everything. Except, of course, pussy. That tastes like something else entirely.

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