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Saturday, April 22, 2006

Pussy Etiquette: A Primer

In an earlier article, we discussed the secrets and mysteries of the vagina. In this installment, we would like to go further and illustrate some important facts about pussy etiquette.

There are a few key things to keep in mind when dealing with the pussy. First, and most importantly, when approaching the pussy, do not make sudden large movements which may be considered threatening. You don't want to spook the pussy.

If at any point you find yourself becoming scared or nervous, no matter how terrified you are...no not throw rocks at the pussy.

It is not wise to anger the pussy. If you find that you have done so, quickly scan your surrounding area for a rudimentary weapon of some kind for use in self-defense. If nothing can be found, try to escape with all due haste and take cover in a safe and secure area and wait for the pussy's wrath to subside.

You are not a pirate. Do not attempt to seize the pussy. Unless, of course, you are a pirate. In which case, please proceed with caution.





Booze has a tendency to make the pussy calmer and more inviting. Types and brands are irrelevant. They all seem to work equally well.

When hunting for pussy in a hostile enviroment (bars, bake sales, libraries, the world in total, etc.) take care to appear confident and self-assured. The pussy can sense fear and will act upon this weakness.

Always...and I mean always remember the following rules:

Keep the pussy away from bright light
Don't get any water on the pussy
Never, never ever feed the pussy after midnight

Wait...those are rules for the Mogwai...which really isn't all that similar to the pussy. Nevermind.

Basically, the thing you always need to remember is this: if you treat the pussy well, the pussy will treat you well. When in a giving mood, the pussy sometimes brings another friend to the party...the blowjob. The blowjob is a very good friend, indeed.

On a final note, while the pussy might be your friend...keep in mind that it can turn on you at any point. Be watchful. Be wary.

Now...go get some pussy.

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