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Saturday, April 1, 2006

The Future Scares Me

The future is a scary thing. While the idea of flying cars and time machines may seem cool, there is also a darker side to what the future holds.

What if some of the old Sci-Fi movies are correct? Do we really want to deal with jibungous radioactive beasts? Seriously. Those things can decimate a Japanese city in mere minutes. If that happens, who is going to be around to create my Playstation 8? The thought of a Playstation-free future often has me waking up in a cold sweat.

Are we anywhere near being prepared for the return of Zombie McQueen? This is not just an American problem, it is a worldwide problem. At this juncture, we have no known technology that could stop his rampage.

Senior citizens often dress in the styles of their youth...not so much what is current. I cringe at the thought of senior citizens with their pants hanging down below their asses. I don't need to see nine exposed inches of old man boxers. Nor do I care do hear an AARP member talking about "getting all up in the hizzouse."

How about the impending Giant Robot invasion? These things are immense and what with the laser beam eyes and shit, they can really mess a joint up.

Worldwide war is always a threat and with suicide bombers and various nuclear weapons, things could get a little hectic. Not to mention how much it is going to suck when the simian armies rise up and overthrow the humans. Damn dirty apes.

But I guess what really scares me is the fact that I am married. I have to deal with the same woman for the rest of my life. Forever.

Forever is a really long time.

Don't get me wrong, I love my wife. I'm not talking about not being able to sleep with other women. I'm not talking about how I have to watch her favorite movies for the rest of my life.

I can deal with that stuff. I love my wife. A shitload...but when everything starts going haywire...well, I don't think she can fend for herself. Which means I have to do it.

I'm going to have to turn back and rescue her from the angry simian horde. I'm going to have to go for some commando action, dodging laser beams and shit, to save her from the giant robots. It's going to be me who has to fight radioactive mutant beasts to save my lovely wife from harm.

And, I gotta tell you. I'm pretty lazy.

I don't think I'm cut out for all that hero stuff.

The future scares me, but basically I think my wife is screwed.

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