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Friday, April 7, 2006

The Blog Of A Serial Killer

It seems that everyone has a blog these days. No matter one's profession, people seem to enjoy just pontificating about their day online.

The following are some excerpts from a blog.

2/12/2006 2:12 p.m.

OK. Has this ever happened to any of you guys?

When I got up this morning, I found myself covered in blood. After a quick investigation, I discovered that I wasn't wounded in any way and it wasn't my blood.

How much did I have to drink last night? I hope I had a good time! LOL!

2/14/2006 3:17 p.m.

I am just plain having one of those days. I could really use some coffee.

When I left my apartment today, the neighbor's dog was taking a big shit right in front of my door. Not only that, but the dog told me I needed to kill seven virgins.

Where the hell am I going to find seven virgins?

2/22/2006 5:22 p.m.

I'm thinking about getting a roommate to help me deal with the bills. My electric and water bills have gone through the roof lately due to the amound of laundry I have had to do. Seriously.

I interviewed three potential people. Doug seemed nice at first, but after twenty minutes of pleasant chat I suddenly had an overwhelming desire to throttle him and stuff his lifeless corpse into the bathroom closet. I was about to when the doorbell rang. Guess who it was? Fucking Jehova's Witnesses!

Anyone who reads this regularly will know how I feel about Jehova's Witnesses. So...yeah...I killed the Witness and then went back inside to finish what I was going to do before I was rudely interrupted. So, it looks like it won't be Doug.

Steve wasn't too bad at first, but after awhile he mentioned that he is a huge fan of Oasis. I should have said he was a huge fan of Oasis...I mean, clearly I had to kill him. Oasis? WTF?

So by process of elimination, it looks like my new roommate will be Dennis.

Wish me luck!

2/23/2006 1:32 a.m.

OK. Dennis didn't work out.

2/24/2006 3:15 a.m.

If anyone knows how to clean bloodstains from linoleum, please leave a comment.

Also, I heard an Oasis song on the radio that I actually kind of liked. I'm thinking I may have been too hasty with Steve. Whoops!

2/25/2005 3:29 a.m.

So when I went through all the stuff that Dennis brought with him, I found a badge. When we first talked he said he was a cop but I assumed he was joking.

I may be screwed.

3/2/2006 3:38 a.m.

OK. It looks like I am not going to be near a computer for a little while. Feel free to leave any comments and I will check them whenever I can.

Gotta run.

Is Canada cold this time of year?

Wish me luck!

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