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Friday, February 10, 2006

The Vagina, And All The Mysteries That Entails

Gentlemen, few things have mystified men as much as the vagina. You hear words like clitoris, vulva, g-spot and pelvic inflammatory disease. Guys, BDF is here to help you. Believe us, the cooch is no big deal.

The vagina is known by myriad colorful and imaginative names: vertical axe wound, veege, junkbox, pie, poozle, cooze, pooze, pussy, box o' wonder, cockpit, the squish, the pink, fuck hole, tuna factory, etc. But we digress.

As intimidating as this vessel of goodness may seem to the casual observer, to the journeyman its secrets are many and relatively untold.

The female orgasm? Yeah...that's not real.

G-Spot? Total bullshit.

We here at BDF can, however, tell you a few little known secrets about the vagina.

For instance, did you know that in a pinch, the warmth of the vagina can be used to heat your tea? It's true. Nasty...but true.

Also, the dark moistness of the vaginal region is eminently conducive to the surreptitious growth of marijuana. Seriously!

Let's turn to history for a moment. Did you know that Harriet Tubman smuggled 84 slaves to the north in the loving comfort of her vagina? Strange, but true. Granted...not all at once. But often times, two or three to a journey.

One might take a moment to hypothesize....if not for the want of a sympathetic vagina, we might still have Anne Frank writing bestsellers.

The greatest female magician in history, Jeanne The Amazing, was known to have hidden over 43 rabbits within her vagina for later use in her act. She had trained her vagina to be so spacious, she could afford to reveal the rabbits one by one throughout a show and even let children take them home with them!

The storage capacity of the vagina is damn near untold. Who knows what riches may be hidden in the delightful folds of the next woman you meet?

Did you know that the interior of a woman's vagina can reach temperatures up to 800°F? True! While most people will tell you to wear a condom to prevent unwanted births, we highly recommend it to protect your junk from those insanely warm places. Hell, its like an easy-bake oven in there. If you could lay a flat pan in there you could probably make cupcakes in about twenty minutes.

It is rarely discussed by those in the know, but a vagina gets great television and radio reception. If your having trouble getting a clear picture from your local channels, just run a wire to your nearest vagina and watch that signal come in crisp and clear. It's like having free cable.

In summation, what the world needs now, is not love sweet love...but vagina. Luscious, spacious, vagina.

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