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Friday, February 10, 2006

15 Things You Shouldn't Say When She Asks If She Looks Fat

1. "It's not the outfit. I'm pretty sure it's your jibungous thighs that make you look fat."

2. "Hell no, honey. It's just that everything else in the room is proportionately smaller than you."

3. "It's probably more accurately all the Hostess Twinkies you eat that are making you look fat."

4. "Basically, I think the fact that you are fat is what is making you look fat."

5. "No honey. You're probably just retaining water because you are on your period."

6. "Yes."

7. "Look, stop blaming the clothing and get on a fucking stairmaster."

8. "No, honey. Cow print looks great on you. Oh...they're polka dots...my bad."

9. "Of course not, your entire wardrobe probably just shrunk in the wash."

10. "No baby. You just look healthy. Like you really enjoy food."

11. "Well, a salad now and then wouldn't kill you."

12. "Yes or no is very subjective."

13. "As opposed to....?"

14. "Hey, Orson Welles was heavy and that guy made Citizen Kane!"

15. "Nah. Your boobs are just really small."

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