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Wednesday, January 11, 2006

Still More Little Known Facts

An addendum to the earlier lists of Little Known Facts.

It's a little known fact that most windows are naturally opaque, and do not become translucent until puberty.

It's a little known fact that the first witch trial may have been based upon a case of crabs, as the accusation was that Goody Mather "hath a nest o' demons in her pubis."

It's a little known fact that pro football players, when having a huddle on the field, are most often talking about you behind your back.

It's a little known fact: In an unaired episode of Gilligan's Island, the Skipper crucifies Gilligan while Mr. Howe films on a video camera made out of coconuts and snot.

It's a little known fact that neanderthal and cro-magnon man used to have annual volleyball contests to see who would get to live to see the Renaissance. Many giant ground sloth onlookers were heard to say that the cro-magnons cheated, but then, they couldn't outrun the cro-magnon's, could they?

It's a little known fact: The very first Siamese Triplets were named Isosceles, Equilateral, and Phil.

It's a little known fact that Vin Diesel's dignity was sold on eBay for some Chiclets and a bag of molasses.

It's a little known fact: Brokeback Mountain, the new hit gay cowboy movie, was originally titled The Jolly Ranchers.

It's a little known fact that the first batteries were powered by the souls of the damned.

It's a little known fact that authors cant write past page 172 in any book they may be writing. Anything in a book beyond that page is written by a poor overworked man named Jimmy who lives in the Bronx.

It's a little known fact that much like Peter Parker, five other people have been bitten by radioactive spiders. Unfortunately, they didn't so much gain superpowers but instead died horrible deaths.

It's a little known fact that the goddess Nike actually preferred Reeboks.

It's a little known fact that fondue pots can be used as bedpans in dire emergency, however, bedpans do not work as fondue post, even in fondue emergencies.

It's a little known fact that wrestlers in ancient Olympics fought nude, and that a crowd pleasing favorite move was the testiclobber.

It's a little known fact that grapes become raisins only if you are traveling forward in time.

It's a little known fact that in times of dire stress, a pleading limerick followed by a ribald musical fart will call forth Huitzilopochtli.

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