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Saturday, January 14, 2006

The Blog Of Timmy's Teacher

Dear Diary,

I don’t know how much more of this little shit I can take. I’ve tried to be understanding about his home life, but sometimes I want to throw that dumb fuck through a wall.

Last week, I assigned the class an art project that I thought was pretty mundane: Draw your living room. That seemed easy enough. When Class was over, Timmy asked if he could finish his project at home, because he said he wasn’t done. I thought “Thank God! That little bastard is finally taking and interest in something.” He brought it in the next day, which was a first. However the theme wasn’t exactly what I was going for.

Trying to be a supportive teacher, I simply told him, “Nice drawing,” and quickly put it in my desk. On my lunch, I called his mother to see if she could come in after school some time for a brief conference. I was hoping that by showing her the picture, she’d realize how her actions were affecting Timmy. I mean, what parent doesn’t want the best for their child?

So Mrs. Timmy’s Mother ( I don’t even know her last name) shows up today, a half an hour late, of course. The woman was enough to make a porn star blush. I tried to explain nicely that this wasn’t exactly an appropriate drawing for school. She said,

“I know, I’m sorry. I told him he really should leave the beer cans out.” I was dumbstruck. Then she opened her swollen lips (from collagen or fellatio — I have no idea) again. “But you have to admit he has a real gift.”

A GIFT? For WHAT? Disrupting my class? Pissing me off? What? But what actually came out was,

“Excuse me?”

“For drawing. My kid’s a dumb shit, but he draws real nice.”

I almost died. After a few more minutes of small talk, and a promise from her that she’d make sure he did his homework now on, the slut finally left.

Today I assigned an essay, “What I want to be when I grow up.” I’m scared already. Timmy was very excited about the project. I could have sworn I heard him say,

“Cool. When I grow up, I want to be a chimp.” At least, that’s what I thought he said.

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