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Monday, January 2, 2006

15 Things You Don't Want To Hear At Your Autopsy

1. "What the hell is that doing in there?"

2. "This guy had an indestructible liver! He could have drank forever and never damaged it."

3. "Yeah, so, I met this guy's wife when she came to identify the body. She wants me to come over later and wear this guy's clothes. Weird, huh? Good thing I just got waxed."

4. "Look how far up there I can get my finger!"

5. "Wait, this isnt Tupac."

6. "Holy shit! This guy was hung like a titmouse! Poor bastard."

7. "This guy's ass is like smooth velvet. Go ahead and give him a ride. I'm already worn out."

8. "Hey...let's make the intern put his dick in this guy's mouth and we'll put photos of it on your webpage!"

9. "Fuck me...I didn't even know it was possible to die from excessive masturbation. This guy's forarms are built like Popeye's."

10. "Why the fuck was there a dildo in this guy's stomach?"

11. "This guy kind of looks like Corey Haim. I wonder if people told him that a lot."

12. "Deal! Ten bucks says there is no way in hell you can get five eggs in this guy's ass without breaking them."

13. "Hey, Jim, look! I'm totally tea-bagging this dead guy!"

14. "Calm down. Just put the balloons of heroin in this guy and in a few weeks we'll dig him up and cut them out. No one will ever know."

15. "OK...I'm the new guy here...but is that shit supposed to look like that?"

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