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Thursday, November 24, 2005

Long Awaited Answers To Musical Queries

Hello, is it me you're looking for? - Hello
Nope. I was actually waiting for the pizza guy.

Why can't this be love? - Why Can't This Be Love
Perhaps it is because I neither like nor respect you. Maybe it isn't love when you bring someone home for a simply quick roll in the hay. Or it could just be that you are a stalker.

What's so funny 'bout peace, love, and understanding? - (What's So Funny 'Bout) Peace, Love And Understanding
It isn't that it is funny, per se. Merely that it is kind of silly hippie nonsense, you know? How can I take you seriously when you talk like that?

How do I breathe without you? - How Do I Live
I don't know. Perhaps some vicks vapor rub and an humidifier. That usually works.

When you close your eyes, do you dream about me? - When You Close Your Eyes
No, actually I dream about being naked and being forced to give a report in grade school. Sometimes I can fly. It's weird.

If I don’t need you then why am I crying on my bed? - If You're Not The One
Quite possibly because you are a pussy-assed little bitch.

What would you do if my heart was torn in two? - More Than Words
I'd probably be freaked out. That's some Friday The 13th type shit there. Seriously.

Why in the world Would anybody put chains on me? - Easy
I don't know. Did you commit a crime or something? I mean, if you are in prison, chains and shit kind of go with it. Otherwise, I would say that maybe someone want's to do some S&M shit with you.

Is this the real life? Is this just fantasy? - Bohemian Rhapsody
Man, I hope this is real life. If my fantasies are this boring that would suck mucho grande.

Are you lonesome tonight? Do you miss me tonight? Are you sorry we drifted apart? - Are You Lonesome Tonight?
Whoa. Slow down there, Elvis. Let's take these one question at a time. No, I'm not lonesome. No, I don't miss you. The reason I'm not lonesome is that I am married...and not to you, buddy. Drifted apart? When the hell did we drift together? I think maybe you are a stalker like that "Why can't this be love" guy. Seriously. Lay off.

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