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Tuesday, November 1, 2005

15 Egregiously Bad Opening Sentences

1. It was at that moment that I realized those weren't, in fact, my buttocks.

2. As the midst shrouded the city, Chip realized his work was only beginning.

3. Simply surprised, Shirley simpered softly.

4. And that's when everything went to shit.

5. Oh man...this does not bode well.

6. The grizzled detective knew he probably shouldn't have fucked that hooker.

7. Shots firing off wildly, the blind seizure-prone paraplegic failed to hit his mark.

8. A strange sensation overtook me as I glanced down, and to my mounting horror, realized that I had awoken without my penis.

9. As I gazed at her lovingly and caressed her bosom, it suddenly dawned on me that this woman may not be a woman at all.

10. I was halfway down the street before I remembered that I had to return some videotapes....those fuckers were going to charge me a penalty fee if I didn't get them back in time.

11. Those rodeo clown bastards weren't going to catch me.

12. Leaving the party, I searched my pockets frantically before finally resigning myself to the fact that, yes, I had left my penis back on the second floor.

13. Ha!

14. Noticing a small dog tinkling softly upon my new Italian loafers, I allowed him to finish before kicking him sternly in the side and shouting "You're not my mother!"

15. Suddenly, overcome by the stench, I removed my head from the bovine's ass and washed up.

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