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Saturday, October 1, 2005

The Naugabeast

If you have ever dined in a Denny's or other similar family style restaurant, I'm sure you are familiar with Naugahyde.

Naugahyde is the leather-like substance most restaurant furniture is crafted from.

What you may not realize is the secret source of this substance....the Great Naugabeast.

The Great Naugabeast once roamed the plains of the United States. His hide wasn't as soft and supple as other large animals, so the Naugabeast wasn't very often hunted. Native American tribes often used his visage in their iconography, having great respect for the lumbering inedible beast.

Another notable feature of the Naugabeast are the very large horns growing from its shaggy cranium.

Both male and female Naugabeasts sport these large protrusions.

As hunting the Naugabeast was rare in the past, no purpose was found for their horns.

Beginning in the 1970's, the Naugabeast began to be hunted in large numbers to support the furniture companies supplying the burgeoning restaurant business. At that point, it was discovered that a lucrative black market for the horns of the Naugabeast existed in Asia. The horns are believed to strengthen the libido and lessen the effects of acne. Some claim to be able to see into the future if the horn is smoked, but the process for powdering the horn is quite arduous and the smoking of Nauga-horn never really took off.

Today, the numbers of the Great Naugabeast have dwindled exponentially. The high turnover rate in starting and maintaining restaurants has put quite a strain on the furniture business with Naugahyde being the chief fabric used in such chairs, benches, and booths.

The industry has turned to other sources, notably "Pleather" which comes from the South African Pleatheraptor, a smooth featherless lizard-like bird. It is believed that the Pleatheraptor may be a modern descendant of the Pteranodon.

So the next time you perch yourself upon a restaurant seat, please take a moment to think about the plight of the Great Naugabeast. If, like us, you feel that the voracious hunting of Naugabeasts and Pleatheraptors in unconscionable, please make a donation to PETA (People For The Ethical Treatment of Animals) or PETARN (People For The Ethical Treatment And Raising Of Naugabeasts).

The future of the noble and dimwitted Great Naugabeast is in your hands. Please help.

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