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Wednesday, October 5, 2005


In an earlier article, we profiled various brands of beer. We thought we would extend that and take a moment to talk about booze. Hooch. Happy Juice. Various other alcoholic euphemisms.

Whiskey - If you are going to drink whiskey, drink real whiskey. Jameson is the stuff you are looking for.

Whisky - Fake whiskey. Note the lack of the letter e. This stuff is actually....

Scotch - Why bother? If you can't handle real Irish Whiskey, you should probably go back to drinking wine coolers.

Vodka - Kind of like if water made you a whole lot funnier. And woman more attractive. Recommended!

Flavored Vodka - Um....yeah. It's the new millenium. Go ahead and admit that you're gay. We won't judge you.

Tequila - Two shots of this and you will probably be picking a fight. With a really big guy. Who will beat the shit out of you. But it's OK. Tequila makes you pain-proof.

Wine - Unless you are at a wedding, a restaurant where each meal costs over $75, or sitting in front of a fireplace trying to get into the pants of the hottie next to you....there is really no excuse for drinking wine.

J├Ągermeister - Dear Lord. We don't have time to count the many ways this atrocity has sullied the good name of booze. Strictly for shots. Only if you are under 23....and in a fraternity.

Rum - Kinda shitty. If you have to drink it, you probably want to drink it with Coke. But use the real stuff, not that spiced Captain Morgan shit. That stuff tastes like you are drinking alcoholic french toast.

Anything that will get you laid quicker - We support it. We look out for our FBDF (Friends of Big Damn Funny).

That is a brief tutorial of booze. We were glad to be of service.

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