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Friday, August 18, 2000

Pimp Softball

It's that time again. Spring has sprung. Summer is upon us. The smell of outdoor grills and char-burned hamburgers wafts through the air as thoughts turn to America's favorite pastime.


Or in this case, softball.

The all-pimp softball league had its opening game on Sunday. As you may well know, the all-pimp league has teams from all over the continental United States. Each team is restricted to a roster of twelve players (or playas) all of which must be full time pimps who personally oversee at least four prostitutes (or ho's).

The aforementioned Prostitutes (or whores) are usually put into play as cheerleaders, utilizing their time between cheers to rustle up some business amongst the spectators (or johns). I watched these hot young honeys sashay their tight little asses up and down, turning heads from even the most dedicated and stoic of softball fan.

I'm not above admitting that this intrepid reporter found himself on sweet ho for a mere $2. Ah, the sweetly angelic feel of a $2 whore under the bleachers during a summer softball game. If you haven't personally indulged, I highly recommend you do so. Best damn $2 I have spent in quite awhile.

Candy took me places I have only heard tell of in popular folk tales. Places I thought were the stuff of mere myth. Ribald tales for the Penthouse Forum had nothing on this cheap ho. She could suck the paint of household siding. Mouth like a largemouth bass. I think I actually barked once. I know I mooed.

You know, Hallmark seems to have a holiday for just about everything, but "Appreciate your $2 whore Day" seems notably lacking. With prices in various industries skyrocketing, I think it would be nice if we all took a moment to thank all the talented and generous $2 whores for keeping their prices so competitive.

My hat is off to you, $2 whore. Take a bow!

The Yorkville Ho-Slappers pummeled the Ashtown Pimp-Daddies 20-3. It was a stirring defeat.

Great game. Talented pitching. Good gravy that was an excellent blow job!

Thank you, Candy.

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